Urination Donation

Mr J

Last night I got a call from an old guy that I know asking me if he could borrow my urine for a drug test. He’s almost certain that his insurance company is going to deny his claim when they detect the marijuana in his system. Marijuana plays no role in his condition but the fact that it is illegal and still a demonized drug makes it an issue.

Out of all the immoral acts you can do this one ranks pretty low, in my opinion. Luckily for him I haven’t been playing with substances recently besides that one can of beer I had on Saturday night.

This afternoon I took a drive over to his place and urinated into a plastic pill bottle. To my semi-surprise, urine is quite warm as some of you golden shower recipients may know. After 10 minutes of strategizing the different tactics of transportation…

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New Love for Rotary Phones

Mr J

Last night I saw something on a show that triggered a new slight addiction for rotary telephones. I never had one in my household nor do I have a phone line connected now but I’ve become nostalgic for its rugged construction, mechanical sound and good reception. Perhaps I also miss that old annoying ringing sound that does not seem to exist anymore. The phrase, “your phone is ringing” should no longer be used since phones only beep or sing now. It’s funny though, because when these phones were still found in homes, I hated them. My grandmother had one and I cursed it for its primitiveness.

There’s a few on Craigslist and quite a few more on eBay but after every thing is said and done they will want $40 or more. It’s become a bit of a collector’s item especially the ones that are less boring in colour such…

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Reading your Old Blog Posts

Mr J

Once in a while I read some of my old posts from 2 to 3 years back. At the end of a post I will cringe at the obvious writing errors that I knowingly and unknowingly made at the time but I am also reminded that I still strongly believe in the message that I put out there years ago. I guess this blog is kind of like my bible.

For me, putting my thoughts and beliefs out there for all of you to see forces me to be accountable for my words. Words mean nothing and actions are every thing, right? Believing you should live by the words of Christ and not doing so would seem disingenuous. I’m no holy savior nor do I have 12 disciples but what are you if you don’t at least try to live by your beliefs?

It probably does not matter to anyone…

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The Unemployment Diet

Mr J

One of the hardest aspects of quitting your job for no other source of income is having to give up a lifestyle. I’m not saying a glamorous lifestyle but a lifestyle that allowed you to not have to be mindful about your spending. I didn’t want to give it up either but I decided that it wasn’t worth the misery.

Lately, I’ve been eating like it’s the Great Depression but I’m quite content. After doing some reading on what people ate during the Great Depression, it didn’t sound that bad. I’m wondering if the Great Depression was just that short era in time when first world citizens had to live like poor immigrant families do. If so I feel no sympathy 🙂

My meals are as follows.

2 eggs, banana

Peanut butter & jam sandwich

Soup made from turkey necks, bok choy, brown rice

Orange, banana, broccoli, hemp protein powder…

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You are Worth More than you Think

Mr J

In this culture, our worth is dependent on what we do for a job and how well we fit into the stereotypical ‘good life.’ As soon as someone hears of where you are on the social ladder, you are either praised, accepted or written off. I was a victim to this myself. I know the rationale because I was plugged into it. Most of the time I was either accepted or written off. When I was written off I was upset and would rant about how stupid it was but I would do nothing. I accepted the idea that it was the way it was and I should feel bad about myself for not meeting the standard.

It’s sad because as humans we are the most important resource available and it’s our choice how we want to be used. To give into the idea that you are worth less because…

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Pretending to be Happy

Mr J

When people ask me if I’m happy I always tell them I’m not. I think the definition of happy is different for everyone and mine is not made up just to conveniently satisfy my ego.

What people don’t always believe is that if you say that you are happy it means that is your general mood for most of your present life. People mistake happiness with feeling good about themselves. They tell themselves they are happy when they think about what they have or what they have done in life. It’s almost like there is an official happiness fact sheet and as long as your life somewhat matches up with it then you can say that you are happy regardless of how often you feel misery. I suppose this can be in direct relation to feeling happy for the sole reason of feeling accepted.

If you hate being at your…

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My Jerk Off Son and Whore Daughter

Mr J

Having kids was not something I ever really desired. When I was a young adult I probably told people I wanted them but back then I would blurt out whatever sounded most acceptable. I think if I had a kid, I could be happy about it but only if my kid wasn’t boring or an asshole.

I don’t know if I could handle having a teenage son and have to constantly wonder if he just jerked off somewhere in my home. If his bedroom door was closed the first thing I would think is that he’s masturbating in there. When he’s sitting at the dinner table, I’d be analyzing if he just jerked off with those hands he just used to pass me the mash potatoes. If I hear him go into the bathroom too many times I will wonder if he just jerked off or is disposing of his…

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Not Feeling Like a Loser is the Purpose of Life

Mr J

Whether people realize it or not, the whole point of life is to not feel like a loser.  To be more specific the goal is to not be near the end of your life and to think that your life was sub-par because you were incompetent.  The definition of a loser is subjective but to feel like one you have to feel ashamed of your life.  Often, one will feel like a loser if they think the majority of society thinks they are a loser.

Your life at this very moment is probably not that bad.  Your life at almost any moment is usually not that bad but then you start thinking about where you are in life and where you want to be or thought you would be, and that puts a damper on things.  You feel that there is this mountain to climb and fruits to pick on…

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Wanting to have kids is selfish

Mr J

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a friend and he brought up the topic of wanting to have a kid for the challenge.  I semi-jokingly said to him to find a hobby instead cause at least in that situation the only person that could possibly suffer would be himself.  I then said to him there are only selfish reasons why people want to produce children.  He disagreed with me all the way to the end but without any answers.  If he was in a relationship I wouldn’t have said anything but he’s not so I didn’t care so much.

I can’t blame him for not being able to come up with a reasoning on how having children is not selfish because I don’t think there is any.  Plus, no one really ever encounters anyone who defames the idea of having children so the topic never gets much thought from…

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Conversation With a Friend

Mr J

Him:  Why don’t you want to have kids?

Me: Why would I want kids?

Him: Who is going to take care of you when  you get old?

Me: If I can’t take care of myself, why would I want to live?  I’ll just kill myself.

Him: Ya, guess so.  

I win?

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